c.e. taillefer

September 16, 2014

Friendship: A Resume

By

Objective

To be the amazing friend you brag about to your other friends to make them step up their game.

Professional Achievements

Flexibility

  • Despite not playing an instrument, managed to become part of the coveted band geek clique in high school.
  • Compatible with friends of all genders.

Dedication

  • Very rarely will dump a friend even when they really, really are huge assholes.
  • Have only ever bailed on a hang out because of pet death.
  • Still have one friend from grade school.
  • Excels at long-distance and internet friendships.

Modesty

  • Cute but not spectacular – you can be the hot friend!
  • Have only completed an undergraduate degree; smart enough to talk about anything you want to talk about but probably not as smart as you.
  • Imposter syndrome under regular relapse.

Skills

  • Ass-kissing
  • Video games
  • Book-learning
  • Internet Meme fuckery
  • Tweeting
  • Cat cuddling

Work History

Lonely Working Asshole Adulthood 2007-Present
Drama Nerd High School Though College 1996-2007
Weeaboo Grades Six Though College 1994-2003
Baby Goth Grade Eight 1995-1996

Education

¬†Small Group of Weirdos Primary School 1989 –

 1996

References

If I had friends to act as references, I wouldn’t need this resume, dingus.